‘Things I wish someone had told me when I first started playing’ – some tips and lessons learned part 2

There is no “one true way” 

When I was first learning, I wanted to know how to hold a flogger correctly. So I signed up for a tutorial from kink academy. The instructor was adamant that the best way to hold a flogger was between your second and third fingers. Then, a few years later, I went to a flogging workshop, and was told that I could hold the flogger in whichever way was comfortable for me. I respected the second instructor more, because she was not interested in pushing her way of doing things onto me. She respected that each person has a different body, and so different ways of doing things will work for them.

You may find some people in the BDSM scene who are invested in the idea that there is “one true way” – and they might assure you that they are the only one who can teach it to you. Sometimes this is about ego. Sometimes this is about making money. Sometimes it’s just ignorance.

There are some areas where there is a clear “right” and “wrong” way to do something, especially where safety is concerned. It’s a sensible idea to have some safety shears handy when you tie. You should do piercing play in a sterile area and avoid the kidneys when exploring impact play. These are a few examples of the safety rules that we put in place to avoid damaging the person you are playing with. But if it’s not about damaging another person’s body, you can allow your natural play style to lead the way. You will develop much faster like that. In our experience, fighting against a technique that isn’t right for you or your body can be tough. Try a few different approaches and you will soon figure out what works best for you and your partner.

And besides, wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same?!

Please leave a comment and share your experiences with us, we would love to hear from you. Or leave us some feedback.


Miss Pixie and Stuniverse

About Miss Pixie

Ms Pixie is a woman of many talents. As well as assisting with the running of Ethical Kink, she also runs a separate business practicing as a queer friendly, kink aware health professional. A vegetarian for over 13 years, she made the journey from animal welfare to animal rights via her interest in feminism, kink and body modification. Ms Pixie assists with ethical issues, business planning and writes regularly for the Ethical Kink blog. She is also the full time partner and submissive of Stuniverse. When she isn’t working she enjoys playing guitar, dancing and fire twirling. She also makes a mean vegan lentil pot pie ;)
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